Thoughts on Marriage

Having just returned from teaching at a marriage seminar with HeartConnexion Ministries in Kansas City, (and prior to that weekend, the AACC conference in Nashville), I am filled up professionally. That makes me happy. But having also seen the breaking hearts of spouses who want so much more for their marriages and can't seem to make it happen, I remain somewhat discouraged about the state of marriages in general. And that makes me sad.
I am reminded of the starfish thrower in the Joel Barker video who, despite being chided for even attempting to save the hundreds of starfish that had washed ashore, determined to make a difference one starfish at a time, unaffected by an otherwise impossible task. The problem is, we may never know if we are indeed making a difference.
My passion is for marriages... for families... for the precious, innocent children whose healthy development lies almost completely at the mercy of how strong or weak mom and dad's marriage is. My heart's desire is to make a difference, yet I am cautious, knowing I want more even in my own marriage. I am trained in relationships and considered an "expert" in the seminar room, but I am quick to confess I don't have a perfect marriage, rather one in progress as well.
One of the questions that haunts me and has caused me to begin researching the answers is, what help is there for a marriage when only one spouse is interested in working on it? I see this frequently and hear many women, especially, long for their husbands to work as hard at their marriage as they do their jobs. (I'm sure there are many men saying the same thing, but my heart is for women, so that is my focus.) Either the husband is too busy with his career or other endeavors, or there is resistance, denial or refusal. Finding answers for the heartbreak of these women is increasingly important to me. Is there a way of behavior and attitude that will invite and intice their husbands to want to change? To make the marriage a priority? To begin to desire that safe harbor that marriage should be? I believe there are many women asking this same question.
The other observation / question that is beginning to gain my attention is the seemingly unique personality traits of men who are in leadership positions and the equally unique challenges in their marriages. I am researching this one also, but I am developing a theory that these strong and unique personalities seem to have difficulty transitioning from their professional lives to their personal lives, which eventually often leads them straight into a marital crisis of some kind. Only the man who consistently keeps his faith as his number one priority is able to avert disaster. How do we help the wives of these uniquely gifted leaders? What can be done to save these marriages? This is critical since many of these leaders happen to be pastors.
I am overwhelmed with these and other questions. I am frustrated with my inability/unwillingness to create a schedule for myself where I can study, research, write and work on all this. I am pulled in so many directions personally and professionally and feel like I am accomplishing little in both areas. I am in desperate need of fulfillment and productivity, and I am ashamed when I acknowledge I have all the ability in the world to create this for myself. I am positive this is part of my calling, and I am feeling myself a poor steward of my gifts if I don't begin producing, whatever that looks like. I am crazy wrestless with desire to find answers, to help, to make a difference; even if for one marriage at a time.