Let the Celebration Begin!

Today my scripture reading was the prayer Solomon prayed when he dedicated the Temple. Since I've been out of order with my Bible reading, my heart splatted when I saw the heading "Dedication of the Temple." That's where I should be about now... dedicating the Temple I purposed to restore in January of 2007. I estimated it would take me about a year and a half to "restore the Temple" (my body), and that would put me right about now for a dedication ceremony (celebration, who are we kidding?!).

Have you ever had that feeling you had wasted months toward a goal when you stop to realize where you would be now if you had just stuck with it? You would be in shape, or sizes smaller, or that much closer to a degree or vacation savings or a new car, or whatever? I hate it when that happens.

I read how all of Israel had partied their hearts out for almost an entire month because of Solomon's faithfulness. By the end of the chapter when the disgustingly disciplined and dutiful King finally sends the people home, I was feeling so disgusted with myself I simply had to turn to my newly-realized coping mechanism to deal with it all. I started thinking, "Yeah, well if I hadn't blown out my ankle in July... that cost me 2 months of walking. And then my knee started acting up in November, which I'm still in therapy for! And by the time I got that 7-week virus this year, it was all over. Who could keep up any sort of fitness routine with those setbacks? Besides, Solomon probably had an entourage who, at the snap of a finger, made sure he succeeded no matter what!"

So, feeling quite smug and justified with my failure, I closed my Bible and reached for a devotional (My Utmost for His Highest... what WAS I thinking!?). And I knew I was in the middle of a Providential conference when the very first sentence read, "We have to form habits to express what God's grace has done in us.." OK, the forming habits thing I got right away. It's what I continually beat myself up over. I can have 24 hours worth of good habits, but I am plagued with self-condemnation for the ONE habit I may lack.

But I wasn't hearing condemnation here in this little conference the Holy Spirit had obviously arranged. I was hearing the gentle and ever-grace-filled purpose for forming habits... "to express what God's grace has done in us." Oswald Chambers (a.k.a. the Holy Spirit, in this case), goes on to say it's not a question of our salvation, but to allow Christ's life to be expressed through my mortal flesh. And how better for Him to really be seen and understood than in the disagreeable parts of myself. Not those things which are easy for me, but through my greatest struggles. So there is no way that good habit could be through my own doing... I just don't have it in me. Not to mention how all the roadblocks life throws in my path (injured ankles, bad knees, illnesses, etc.) push me farther down the failure's path.

So I'm right back to obedience again. Obedience is the key. I knew it all along. I've wrestled with it. I've tried it. I've even been successful at being obedient (for a time). But where's the grace in that? And so, I'm right back to that old legalistic thinking I've worked so hard to get away from.

Then He shows me what this little conference is all about. Another teaching moment. Another lesson to learn. A little farther down I read, "You must keep yourself fit (no doubt, spiritually, but certainly physically for me!), to let the life of the Son of God be manifested, and you cannot keep yourself fit if you give way to self-pity." Yikes! Me? Self-pity? Seems I've been found out and I didn't even know I was the culprit!

So what if I do indulge in self-pity when I fail? No one actally knows it. It's not like I visibly wallow in it. Mostly, I try to avoid any public displays of self-pity at all costs. So what's the lesson really about here? Again I hear a piercing reply.

Self-pity sets in to cover one of two things that are too painful for us face. It's a most classic coping mechanism, albeit also a most pathetic one. Either we feel an overwhelming sense of guilt for our part in a failure or lacking, or there is present a paralyzing fear which prevents us from overcoming the obstacle we face. "Poor me" says "There was nothing I could do", but covers "There was plenty I could have done, I just didn't do it." Or "Poor me" says, "There's no use trying, it will never happen for me", but covers "I'm too afraid (of the outcome, of failure, of success, etc.), to go through with this."

So which is it for me? What is my self-pity covering? Guilt or fear? After much reflection, I have to admit, it's a little of both. I hate that I didn't push through and stick with my Temple Restoration, despite the setbacks. The guilt is truly overwhelming. I have no one or nothing to blame but myself. I must admit I kept a forward momentum throughout the busted ankle ordeal, but the knee injury and subsequent setbacks were just too much. There I go again with that self-pity thing.

The fear factor really had me baffled. Was I afraid to finish? Am I afraid to finish now? This one is too deep for this blog, but for a hundred million reasons I must confess I am fearful at once of failure and success. That's not a pretty thing to discover about yourself. So where do I go from here? What struck me next was most amazing.

In this providential conference we were having, the Holy Spirit prompted the question. "What are the antidotes to guilt and fear?" After much thinking, I realized they were Grace and Trust. SMACK! There it was! The two concepts I have the most difficulty with. One is passive, the other active. One I accept, the other I give. One I acknowledge, the other I effort. One envelopes me, the other exudes me. The only way to be liberated from guilt is accepting the non-condemning, wholly-accepting Grace the Father has for me whether I succeed or fail or even attempt. That is so counter to the core of who I am. And the only way to be set free from the bonds of fear that keep me from rising to my greatest potential is choosing to Trust in him who is able to do exceeding abundantly above all I could ever even think of, much less ask for.

"Well, that's easy enough", I retort jokingly to the invisible members of this conference. "I'll simply put this past year behind me, extending to myself (and all my nasty little failures!), all the Grace you have extended to me. Likewise, I will step out again on the road to Restoration, kicking out of the way every fear that dares cross my path, trusting you every step of the way. Piece of cake!"

"Don't be so flippant. It is exactly as simple as you have stated. Of course, however, it's not as easy for you as it sounds. It is the disagreeable in you that, given to me every time, will exhibit what my Grace has done in you. After all, if it were easy, everyone would be doing it."

BUTTERFLIES

Well, we have been VERY diligent about watching our caterpillars turn themselves into “Racoons” (as Berk says… instead of cocoons! Ha) And we have been VERY diligent about checking them to see if they were still raccoons or if they had emerged into butterflies!

And, guess what?!! Last week, while Gigi and Papaw were out of town, the butterflies hatched!! And Gray actually got to see one of them break out! What fun!! Every time I called Gray, I asked him whether he thought they were ready to be turned loose or not and every time the answer was the same… “No Geege… I can tell they’re not ready yet.” Hmm. (Since their entire life span is only 2 months, we were a little concerned that the butterflies may indeed be ready, but the butterfly keeper may not. Papaw had already warned me the boy might have a hard time letting them go when the time came.)

So today, Gray and I were carefully placing a long stem of sugar-watered flowers into the butterfly house when one flew out into the kitchen and went straight to the window. “Oh, look, Gray!” I said, “That one is SO ready to be outside, don’t you think?!”

“No, Gigi. It’s suppose to rain today. Besides, I think it’s still too cold. Catch him! Hurry! Put him back in his house!” So, I carefully cupped the flighty little thing and placed him back in the cage.

“Gray, I’m kind of worried they might die if we don’t set them free.” His bottom lip quivered and confirmed Papaw’s hunch. I knew we were at one of those rite-of-passage milestones for little boys and I had to maneuver such unfamiliar waters very carefully. “Are you a little sad to let them go?”

“No. Well, yes, a little.” More quivering. His eyes looked up and to the right, followed by his whole head. I could tell the little man was trying to leave the room without getting off his chair.

“Yeah, I’m a little sad, too. You’ve taken such good care of them. I wonder what would happen if you came to see them tomorrow in their little house and they were dead. That would be pretty sad, too, don’t you think?”

“Yeah. So do you have a big box we could cut a hole in and put outside in case it rained or they got cold?”

“Oh, you mean like another house for them outside? I’m sure I do! Let’s go see.”

So we trotted out to the garage while I prayed there might be a box that hadn’t made it to the garbage yet. We found a quite smaller box than Gray had hoped for, but one perfectly suited for five tiny butterflies that I was pretty sure would never find need for it anyway. I dutifully cut along his lines for the igloo-shaped doorway, and wrote “Gray’s Butterflies” across the top, as he requested. For good measure, we cut a flap in the top of the box so he could “peek and see them when they went inside”.

Finally we made the long pilgrimage all the way from the kitchen to the front door. The tree exploding with white flowers outside the dining room window was just what our precious newbies needed, and we were actually excited to have discovered such a nearby habitat. But as soon as we unzipped the doorway, I could tell the dread had returned. “Should we say a prayer for them?” A quick nod and two little adorably clasped hands almost choked me beyond being able to offer up this plea for kindergarten size strength and comfort, which I was trying to hide between words of gratitude for these amazing creatures and their equally amazing little caretaker.

I think God listened, because when we finished our prayer and laid the long stem of flowers and butterflies gently on the lowest tree branch, he seemed more at peace with the idea. He did linger a long time repositioning the doorway side of the little cardboard house we made and bidding them happy flights after I had taken the last picture and gone into the house.

“Maybe we can order some more sometime. Would you like that?” I asked, roughing his hair, trying to shift the mood a little. No sooner did he say yes and I returned to my pre-butterfly release chores did he come running into the kitchen waving a piece of paper with bright blue numbers drawn all over it.

“Here you go!” he said smiling enthusiastically. “Here’s the phone number. Now we can get more butterflies!”

“Where on earth did you get that?!” It had been at least two months since we ordered them, requiring several weeks to ship. I was positive we didn’t keep the information. I was flabbergasted!

“I just turned on the TV, and the commercial came right on, so I hurried to copy down the numbers. ‘Now you, too, can own your own butterfly habitat!’” he repeated exactly like the convincing salesman.

“Very funny.” I told God. “Guess you heard a different prayer from the one I prayed, huh?” One a little more sincere, evidently… one straight from a little boy’s heart.

DISNEY

Hi! For those of you who have been asking about our trip to Disney… we survived! What an adventure to drag 12 people through 5 parks… 4 families, to be exact, and still have everyone speaking at the end! Actually, we had a great time. We planned on several meltdowns (children AND adults), and we were pleased that we predicted incorrectly… NO adults melted down! ha.

The kids were amazing little troopers! We began our journey with just “The Originals” (as the girls call us), and the guys joined us Thursday night late. We planned a special Princess outing just for the girls, and a special Pirate evening for Grayson. We had SO much fun dressing the girls up in their princess attire and enjoying fine dining whilst being visited tableside by each of the Disney princesses (except Cinderella; Her stepmother must have had too many chores for her to do.) Their eyes grew wider and wider with each Princess sighting (Ariel, Aurora, Belle, Snow White, and even Mary Poppins!) They were SO adorable, and it was truly a treat to see their precious little believing hearts. They were meeting the REAL princesses, straight out of the storybook!

The next night was Gray’s special night. The highlight of his outing was a choreographed lesson by Kareem, Hakeem, and Gus, top palace guards for Prince Aladdin. The boys learned a routine to music using their invisible swords that was sure to deem them victorious should Princess Jasmine ever need their protection! Shannah has the video of this, which you MUST see. It is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. Gray is so serious as he swishes left, swashes right, jumps, ducks, criss-crosses and finally returns his sword to its sheath, all in time to the music, while the speakers provide the swashbuckling sound effects for each move. Absolutely adorable… and no one was injured! Even MORE amazing! (Disney thinks of everything!)

We also spent a full day each at Seaworld and Typhoon Lagoon (Disney’s waterpark). The kids loved both of them. We spent a full day at Magic Kingdom and some of us split the rest of the time between Epcot and Hollywood Studios (formerly MGM), while some of us napped. The little ones are saving Animal Kingdom and Hollywood Studios (and much of Epcot) for the next trip. Just too much to see for one trip. Basically, we tried to think like they do and chose which attractions they would enjoy and remember most. We figured one highlight per day was even more stimulation than they could tolerate and we guessed just about right.

Each family got one evening and the entire day Sunday to themselves (in case anyone was overdosing on too much family). The Duncans chose a Downtown Disney shopping and dinner trip for their evening, while the Christies spent a quiet family evening at the hotel for Viève and the pregnant Mama to rest. Shan accompanied Papaw and Grayson to the Pirate Extravaganza and Gigi and Berkley played salon and spa in our hotel room, ordered pizza delivery and an in-room movie (The Chipmunks – ha). And yes, we ate pizza IN BED in our jammies with almost dry nails! (Memories!)

Sunday, we all started out to separate locations, but by lunchtime, we all managed to hook up in Epcot for the rest of the day… funny how that works!

I did have one lapse in Grandmother judgment while I had 3 of the girls by myself so the parents could ride some roller coasters. I promised Berkley and Savannah they could ride a kiddie roller coaster, but when we got to that area, Simone was still too little to ride, even if I rode with her, so in a weak moment, I let the girls ride alone. Yikes! The longer they waited in line, the more nervous I became… especially when I saw they weren’t completely primed yet on waiting in lines, following the guiding lines between bars, going all the way to the end of the platform to the “next number” railing and NOT stepping beyond the yellow lines too close to the returning cars. And as if that weren’t enough… I had forgotten that swinging and flipping on the crowd control bars was as much fun as the ride itself, even if the entire line passes you by and you get stuck having to wait another ENTIRE trip, when you were really NEXT in line!!! All because there was no way in the world two little giggly girls could hear Gigi shouting instructions over the roar of the ride! Hilarious! All I could do was take pictures and laugh hysterically, wondering if they’d EVER make it on. But somehow they did, and they LOVED it!

We all had a great time. No children were ever lost or injured (save a few scrapes or pinched fingers), however, someone stole Savannah’s special blankie Gigi made her and her Nalgene water bottle, along with a sweatshirt of La’s from the bottom of their stroller. That was a downer, but Gigi promised to make another.

Obviously, I can’t post all the pics, but I’ll show you a few highlights. We’ll share more in person sometime.

Love to all you fellow Mickey lovers from the Happiest Place on Earth… truly.