Here's to Hope!

The year 2008 has already proven to be one that will mess with my head. Swell!

Last year, 2007, I set a goal to Restore the Temple (me!), which included the experiences of walking a 1/2 marathon, writing and teaching a Bible Study, and speaking at 2 National Women's Conferences in India and Sri Lanka. Each of these were dreams of mine, and God was so good to allow me those opportunities. But how quickly things can change! By the beginning of 2008, and in these months following, it seems the Temple has once again fallen into disrepair. Oh, the agony of defeat!


After two months recovering from an ankle sprain, a couple of heart-wrenching family crises, and several weeks of a mysterious illness I contracted while speaking in Curacao, I am left depressed and bewildered. My body, His Temple, is in worse shape one year after resolving to restore it than when I made the resolution! I am all about tenacity and not giving up (afterall, that was one of the lessons I learned while training for the marathon), but why all the setbacks now? Haven't I been through enough? Haven't the last five years been the anguish that led to the Temple needing to be restored in the first place?


All of this depression and bewilderment is compounded by the realization that I have neglected my journaling and writing during these past six months as well. Moving forward in any area seems daunting and overwhelming.


But I am determined to somehow follow through with my goal, even if it becomes a multi-year effort. The truth is this idea of marathon living and Temple restoration won't be complete until this life is over. Why, then, do I always think I can conquer such tasks and be done with them once and for all? Somewhere, there is an expectation that life is suppose to be all about enjoyment and carefree living... and looking good while doing it, of course!


I can't entirely blame society, or our culture, or even the media for this. I must take a frequent assessment of where I am on my journey compared to where I want to be. I'm not talking about my spiritual journey. While I am responsible for my part of the relationship, it is the Holy Spirit that makes changes and heals and grows me. (And He is more patient than I am!) Rather, I am talking about areas of my physical existence that affect my spiritual life. Things I know I need to improve. Areas of discipline I cannot give up on, lest I become slothful and uncaring toward myself. Anyone who has experienced the depression or bewilderment I'm describing knows how difficult it is to jump back in to the race when you feel it's no use anyway.


I am reminded David also often felt this way. And if he was a man after God's own heart, surely I can learn from his example. One of the Psalms David writes relying on the trust He has developed throughout his life is Psalm 71. Even during times when it seemed God was not around, David knew he could trust God.

 But as for me, I will always have hope;
I will praise you more and more.
15 My mouth will tell of your righteousness,
of your salvation all day long,
though I know not its measure.
16 I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, O Sovereign Lord;
I will proclaim your righteousness, yours alone.
17 Since my youth, O God, you have taught me,
and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds.
18 Even when I am old and gray,
do not forsake me, O God,
till I declare your power to the next generation,
your might to all who are to come.
The Holy Bible : New International Version. 1996, c1984 . Zondervan: Grand Rapids

Here's to jumping back into the race. Here's to Hope!